A friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend today. This kind of changes my mindset of relationships. I've witness how the both of them got together, from two rly shy person to a couple. And they've taken the longest time to reach this phase. Yet, they've separated. My friend actually consulted me as of which way will be the best to break the news to her partner. We decided on sending messages as face to face talk will be too much for her.

I feel so down now. Cause i really hate goodbyes. Saying goodbye to someone, to memories is just so hard. Even for me, after getting ignored by the guy i like, i still like him. Part of me just dont wanna let go cause i dont want to say goodbye to my feelings towards him. I always act so happy when i get to sneak a glance at him, but it's actually alway a mix of all feelings i can ever feel. Pain, sad, happy, regrets. But what to do? The person i've been staring at all this time doesn't even look back.

Morning (:

It's been awhile since i last updated but i wonder who reads blog nowadays? (Except for those famous bloggers blog posts ofc) Anyways, my updates are just for me to read in future. I realise 80% of the time i decided to update my blog is about guys. I think it's cause i have nobody to talk to. I do have friends to talk to but i think they are tired of it too HAHA cause it's a vicious cycle. Cries I just can't seem to change my stupid habit of falling too easily and deeply.

So here's the story:

Around one month back i think? Can't rly remember when it started. I saw the guy that i think is cute working two shops down from where i am working. So i was like telling my colleagues eh that shop got one cute boyboy. So from then on, he is my eye candy ^^ Like whenever i walk past the shop i will always try to sneak a peak. Yes lame i know and my friend say i like stalker liddat but then it's just me lah whenever i like someone i dont do anyt i just look at the person whenever i can. And the lame-est thing is my heart always skip a beat when i see the person. Even i myself think i am damn hopeless sia like why my heart so weak. And so, days passed. Until one day my colleague told me he's not chinese ( even tho he looks like one ), and that he's from philippines. I have few colleagues from philipines and they are all v friendly. So since they are all from the same country, they quickly make friends. That's when my identity got exposed. My identity as in the girl who likes him.

For few occasions when my colleague saw him or had to go borrow smth from their shop, she always joked with him saying that his gf is too shy to come blahblah~ And so he always laughed it off. There was this one time i went w my colleague to borrow cartons and when he looked at us she ask me to say hi to him and i was too shy so i just took the carton, hide my face and ran away. But since then she still as usual always joke w him about me. Until few days ago, when both of us walk pass the shop and i was happy to be able to see him as he was standing outside. Then my colleague called him and so i panicked and ran away again haha *speechless* but he was telling her that we can make friends ask her to bring me to him smth liddat. Nothing happened so after that we went to have our lunch break. My colleague was so excited telling me eh he want to know you leh haha i was laughing on the outside saying no la no la but deep inside my heart, i still had hope somehow. ( false hope i always assumed) After break, we went back to work as usual. And normally i would try to sneak a peak from my shop front to see if i can see him. So as i was talking to my colleague at the front of the shop while looking at his shop i saw him walking towards our shop direction. I ran into my shop and my colleague was laughing at me cause she saw him too. But to her surprised and to mine, he asked her where was i and she directed him to me. When i turn around and saw him walking towards me i was so shocked. He approach me to shake hands and then leisurely chatted with my colleague. And i swear my heart was about to bounced out of me when he's so close. I AM TOO HOPELESS. As they were speaking in their language i couldnt understand and i was in no mood to try and interpret what they were saying cause i was having a mental breakdown. He didnt leave straight away, instead he ask my colleague for a pen and wrote his name and number on a paper then ask her to pass to me. Then he said bye to me and went out. I was so nervous my hand was trembling. Even as i am typing now my heart is thumping so fast its so ridiculous. But afterall this is the first time after all these years someone responded. Its always the i like him so i stare at him whenever i can and that's all, then i get over the crush and move on cause nothing will happen.

When i came back to my senses, i've got his fb and number. I don't know what to do with it. Up till now i am still suspecting it was my colleague that ask him to leave his details. I don't believe or think he did that without anyone to prompt him to. Cause i don't think i am someone who will get attention. That very night i added his fb cause i was afraid that if i didnt do anyt he might think that actually i dont like him or what. I saved his number too but i didnt have the courage to send a msg. And when i did some thinking, i ask myself why didnt he ask for my number instead if he also want to make friends? I also asked my colleague this qn and she said that it was cause i was too shy. But after a series of struggles and thinking i sent him a msg last night saying hello. The reason why i send a msg was because since i've got his number, if i didnt msg him, isnt it awkward for us next time? We're all working in the same mall afterall. And i am converting to full time in a week time which means we will see each other more often. Other than that, also because my friend told me that i was the one who like him first then he give number liao idw msg also v funny, which i also admit. AND I HATE AWKWARD SITUATIONS. But yeah, since last night till now there is no reply so i am sort of giving up now. I went from "how how ?! i send the msg alrd damn nervous mode" to the "hopeless give up mode".  This morning i woke up so early cause i couldnt sleep. Even tho i said i give up but i am still hoping. Sigh i dont know what to do with myself.

Now i am sort of in the angry mode blaming my cute boyboy HAHA like if you dw reply me or not interested why give me your number in the first place? I mean like if you want make friends then reply la. Then i think to myself maybe he's annoyed by my colleague's joke all the time so he decided to end this by giving me his number and then not replying so i will stop it. This make me feels like i am super despo and irritating which i rly hate it. I hate being the burden. Even now when my friend say maybe cause i didnt intro myself when i msg he tot is some stranger i dont even want to send a second msg to clarify who i am cause i scared that i might seem annoying to him. So i rather just give up and do the dreaming myself HAHA.

I will update again if anyt happen okay but i think this will be the end of this "eye candy" case and i will move on by the time i update again haha we'll see.

Hello to my blog. (:

Dedicating this post for myself. It's been 3 years since i updated this blog in 2012. Just wanna talk about things that happen in 2015 and hoping that 2016 will be a better year for me. 

2015 have been a hectic year for me. Working non-stop, studying non-stop. Basically I have no time for my family and friends. 24 hours a day is simply not sufficient. There are so much stuff I want to do, but I'm racing against time every single day. I think because of my hectic schedule, days seem to passed so fast, so fast that I didnt realise a year just passed like that. It felt like I didnt achieve anything at all. It was as if I just wasted a year of my life. During the start of 2015, my new year resolution was to build better relationships, get my driving license, work hard in my studies and spend more time with my family and friends. Now that 2015 is over, when i asked myself "what have i achieved?", i cant answer myself. To me, this is pretty scary. Not knowing what i have been doing... 

Recently, i've think alot about my future. There's just so many uncertainty in our lives. Not knowing what's gonna happen next is scary. Not knowing where to go is scary. Someone asked me, " Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" and i have no answer to that. I don't know. I don't have plans for myself, i dont know where to go, what to do. 

But, like everyone say, "Everything Happens For a Reason". Even though I dont understand why am i going through this now, why am i so sad now, why cant i get over this and move on, i believe that i might understand it in future when i've become more mature.. As of now, i just have to overcome all these. No matter how pain is it, everything will have an end. So, if you are like me, confused, in pain now, just hold on cause someday it will come to an end. Just keep your faith even when you think that you're losing it. 

created a new blog! longlost--love.blogspot.com
hahaha its been a long time since i last updated this blog! The previous time i update was when i was sec2 sia! hahaha super long le. now i alrd graduate liao hahaha! Okay short post today! bye!

Hello ! Very long never update le . >.< Have been super busy since school reopen . No school today and i'm bored so here i am updating my bloggggg . haha ! Its Youth Day ! haha ! Its like level up ? Upgrade frm Children day to Youth day ! haha ! My dad says the next stage would be Valentines day . HAHA !

Went to Marsiling yesterday w/ my parents . Bought goggles , Blue and White . YAY! haha ! Dad bought two t-shirts . Which cost only 7.90 per shirt . Then he was like super angry cuz of the price , he saw one shirt that cost 7.90 , which he alr had one , exactly the same , but the price is like heaven and hell ?! haha ! He bought fr 30 bucks ! hahaha ! He's like WTH ? haha ! Mum bought shirts too . I saw one skirt very nice , and one shorts . haha ! But din buy afterall . haha ! Shop fr sports shoe but din find one i like . >.<

TODAY! Went to library w/ Jeslyn , Joey , Yeong Jian , Yi Hong , Jason early in the morning . lol . 11 am , early ? idk . haha ! Finished my lit homework , maths but not portfolio . haha ! I'm left w/ my chinese homework and maths portfolio . Jason and Jeslyn make me laugh like hell when they did the train thingy . haha ! Went to eat lunch w/ Jeslyn after that , which i end up eating too when i say i'm not hungry . lol . Shop ard then go Bata buy sports shoe ! haha ! I bought the same sports shoe as Jeslyn . Hope she don't mind . haha ! :P Walk ard , then Jeslyn say she's hungry . -.- Went value dollar and bought something , which idk what it is lah , lol . But got chocolate. haha ! Went home afterthat cuz i was lazy to go back to library again . haha !
Had a funfun day !

Things happening , Things to do :
- ISH Dance Practice tmr .
- Maths Portfolio
- Choreograph dance fr music
- Stop Motion Animation fr art


I'm Busybusybusy . lol

SO cute ! haha !